This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Randomize
