I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
