i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
