AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
