didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
