she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
