There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
