not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
