FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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