when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
