i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
