Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
