What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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