Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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