saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you didnt know i had herpes?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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