I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Floor bacon is actually really good
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
