I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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