So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
