I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
