if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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