K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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