Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
