I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
