toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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