I accidentally had phone sex last night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
