if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
