I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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