he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
