He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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