The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
