i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
