i may or may not be watching the land before time
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
