I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
