hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
