Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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