The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
