I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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