somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
