SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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