There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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