that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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