Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
