Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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