I wanna bring you to show and tell
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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