One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
