o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
