We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hippo gnu deer
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
