420 ftw
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
