So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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