I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
